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50 Shocking Things {Im}perfect Catholic Women Admit

Have you ever wondered if other Catholic women are normal like you, possibly not getting out of their jammies for the day, or feeding their kids an unhealthy dinner? I will admit that in some small way, I get satisfaction knowing that other people are imperfect. It levels the playing field. Perhaps I am doing my part to obliterate the idea of perfection and destroy the Keep Up With The Joneses image some fall prey to.

I love that part of being Catholic includes having a sense of humor. Better still is self-deprecating humor. It’s what binds us together. Our flaws and our faults and knowing we’re not alone…

Recently, in a Facebook group of Catholic women, someone posted “Not really confession thread. Confessions of Real Catholic Women…” Initially I gasped in horror – NOOOOO! But, then I clicked to look at the comments. I couldn’t not look. I couldn’t stop laughing. It was an online rubbernecker’s delight. You will feel like you stepped inside a hen house…I give you, a glimpse inside the world of real Catholic women. 

::names have been withheld to protect those with no shame::

  1. I sometimes just hide laundry in my closet when guests come over. I haven’t left my bedroom door open for years when we have company because it’s such a mess. 
  2. ^^ I do that, too. We also have snacks for dinner, like popcorn, or meat/cheese/fruit, probably an average of once a week. Ugh, cooking fail.
  3. That’s what I’m doing right now. Company will be here in 15 minutes!
  4. Sometimes the laundry sits in the washer long enough that I have to wash it again.
  5. I sometimes put my headphones in when the kids are talking to me nonstop so that they’ll think I’m listening to music and they’ll go away for a bit. It’s either that, or just let my head explode from all the chatter!
  6. I homeschool, and my school room looks like a bomb went off in it.
  7. I do the laundry thing at LEAST once a week, lol!!
  8. I gotta be honest, I’m looking at my phone during the day waaaaay too much. Words with Friends. Need I say more?
  9. I shove papers and mail into a drawer or a closet before guests come over….where did I put that electric bill?
  10. We’ve been in our house for 2 years and there are still boxes unpacked in the basement.
  11. We purposely take our toddlers and babies out of their carriers and hold them during the Kiss of Peace so that we don’t have to hold hands with the people around us during flu season.
  12.  I hang washed and dried shirts up (without ironing them).
  13. My Christmas trees are still up. I just can’t bear the thought of hauling all those rubbermaid totes up the stairs and wrapping each ornament. Ugh. The worst job ever. I’d rather scrub a toilet.
  14. My apartment is so messy that we never have company over …Ever
  15.  I’m married to a hog farmer and I do not like pork very much.
  16. Okay, here’s a Catholic one. I dread family rosary. “Hail Mary, full of grace — Audrey, sit down! — the Lord is with thee …” “Which bead are we on, mama?” etc.  
    And I long for the day that I don’t have to whisper in my mean-mom voice, “Eyes on the altar!” right before the Consecration.
  17. What is “ironing”? Lol
  18. 9828583e6fd6bc94dc50fee43829c7aeOh that sounds like my home with the rosary ‘ let the dog out, let the dog in, blow your nose, no you may not have a cookie’. God must spend a lot of time in giggles when he hears our family pray.
  19. I watched a show where the woman hid stuff in her dishwasher and I thought she was brilliant instead of lazy. Lol
  20. My kids think mashed potatoes come from a box. 😉
  21. I grew up in Indiana and do not like basketball.
  22. I should be cleaning my house right now instead of sitting in my pajamas in the easy chair goofing off on FB. But I digress.
  23. I hate vacuuming and mopping and only do it if we’re expecting special company. If it’s just normal friends, don’t even do it for them. And my husband does more housework than I do!
  24. My kids think cheering for the Packers is a sort of secondary religion. My fault. I wonder how long I’ll spend in purgatory for that.
  25. My business is to help others lose weight teaching healthy eating habits….I ate a skor bar for breakfast today.
  26. I work days and my husband works nights and my bed is never made
  27. What is this made thing on a bed? I don’t understand those words in that order.
  28. That thread someone posted with the article about not wearing jammies more than once and changing your sheets a lot made me realize that most of you had better never come to my house!
  29. I get anxious when there is clutter and dirty dishes. I play a game on the computer to escape. I have to limit myself to one game or I would be traumatized when I looked up.
  30. I hide food in the house (and rotate it) to keep my teenagers from consuming $200 worth of groceries in a week.
  31. Since moving into our house nine years ago, the windows have only been cleaned once by my parents when they were staying home with my infant daughter until the end of the school year.
  32. You can clean windows?
  33. I also have unpacked boxes and we have been in our house 11 years. When you think about it, it makes you realize how much crap you really have.
  34. I bought wonder window spray to attach to my hose and spray and clean my outside windows. I bought it 4 years ago. It’s still sitting under my sink.
  35. Sorry mine might be the grossest. I have laid a towel down on a wet bed in the middle of the night and told the kid to go back to bed.
  36. i_love_this_postI’m about to go to the movies with my family and I fully intend on having buttery topping(whatever that chemical is) on my popcorn AND having a candy. It’s been “a week”. I don’t care today.
  37.  I have a Candy Crush addiction.
  38. I’m sitting in the car with the radio on in my driveway, on facebook. My daughter fell asleep 1/4 of a stinking mile from home. She’s so tall I can’t get her out of the car without waking her up and I really want 45 minutes of quiet. Ok… I really want three hours of quiet but that’s a lot of gas to burn.
  39. I made brownies and ate them all before my kids could have any.
  40. For my church meetings in the evening I sometimes leave the house earlier than I need to just to stop and get coffee and sit in car to unwind. …leaving DH with DD.
  41. When I’m hungry and hurried, which is often, if I know my floor is acceptably (do not define acceptably) clean when I’m picking a chip or cracker up, I . . . will . . . eat . . . it. That has to be the most embarrassing one of the bunch.
  42. Most of the peanut butter eaten in our house is eaten with a spoon, not as a sandwich.
  43. I dropped a garlic bread stick in my car, which is filthy. But it looked clean and I didn’t want to waste it…so I ate it.
  44. My (uncut) pumpkins were out until Dec 22 when DH finally got home and tossed them. Friends joked that they were going to come over and put Santa hats on them.
  45. I hide candy and sometimes lock myself in the bathroom alone to have it
  46. I’m addicted to reality tv. I prefer my PJ’s to most of my clothes. Also, I can’t remember the last time I washed my kitchen floor.
  47. I sometimes sit on the potty way longer than I need to just because I actually get some peace and quiet. Sometimes I come out and my husband looks really concerned.
  48. We have had ice cream Sunday suppers more than once in the last year.
  49. One of my kids has a loose tooth and was really working it during Mass, this tooth is barely hanging on and I was contemplating on how inappropriate it would be to just yank it out. Then I remembered the pew of nuns just behind us.
  50. My baby woke up early today so I consoled myself with cake for breakfast.

SOUND OFF

WHAT WOULD YOU ADD TO THE LIST?

 

By Martina Kreitzer

Martina is a cradle Catholic, wife to Neil, and mother to eight kiddos here {and three in heaven}– 4/96-12/19. She decided to homeschool the kiddos in 2010 after many years in public schools and is currently transitioning out of homeschooling. She is the creator of Catholic Sistas which focuses on a feminine perspective of the Catholic Faith. The website was the result of an existing camaraderie by the contributors in a Catholic women’s group she created. She is also a Seal of Approval evaluator for the Catholic Writers Guild. Lest you think she spends all her time online, Martina has enjoyed getting out into the community by serving on the Pastoral Council from 2010-2013. She is constantly on the lookout to make her parish as welcoming as the small town she grew up in East Texas. This task is not easy given that St. William is the largest parish in the Austin diocese, serving well over twenty thousand parishioners. She loves Jesus, coffee, bacon, chocolate, photography, more bacon, evangelizing, and the company of those unafraid to use their sense of humor.

10 replies on “50 Shocking Things {Im}perfect Catholic Women Admit”

If my preschooler sees me eating something yummy she demands bites of it. I routinely hide in the bathroom, whenever I eat a chocolate-chip granola bar (or lets be honest, chocolate-ANYTHING), just so that I don’t have to share!

I totally relate to #11, 12, 17, 31, 32, and 50. I wish my son were still little enough for me to pick him up during the sign of the peace!

I don’t do windows. I hate to vacuum, which is why it is a chore that is assigned to my children. And, I think there may be at least 18 months worth of receipts in my pocketbook.

I just gave up on ironing after years of having a towering mountain of laundry constantly waiting to be ironed. Now I just put it all away in the closets, wrinkly, and trust each person will iron their own clothes when they go to wear it. The kids, therefore, go to church in various stages of wrinkle (depending upon their age and relative ironing skills), but hey, at least now we actually know what church clothes we own instead of wearing the same outfit over and over again because it’s on the top of the pile.

I just hid in my bedroom with the door locked to eat a granola bar. I knew if the kids saw me that the whole box would be gone within a matter of minutes, even though they’d only get once each. I also regularly hide chocolate and chewing gum in my underwear drawer. I usually lie and say I don’t have any more when they ask me for a piece.

Every time I go to Mass I prepare myself for battle…I have a 1, 3, and 4 year old and my husband plays music….I fantasize about leaving them all home every week and going to a different Mass!

I have been known to hide dirty dishes in the oven. When my son didn’t have a clean school uniform because he didn’t put the dirty ones in the laundry room, I would have him fluff a dirty uniform in the dryer with a handful of dryer sheets (scented, of course!) I really dust about 3 or 4 times a year. The rest of the time I run my hand across the table as I walk by. There is always a bag of chocolate chips hidden in my cupboard just in case I have an intense need for a chocolate fix. They are great right out of the bag. I only unbutton the top button of my blouse when I get undressesed. That way I can take it off over my head. After laundering it I put it on the same way. I have saved so much time time by doing it like this!

I go to bed in my clothes. I’m home all day in mostly comfy knit clothing, so I don’t wake hubby and I save laundry. Did I say I go to bed late so I can play my games on my tablet and phone???
Need advice: does anyone know how to keep clothing in drawers from getting musty smelling when they’ve gone a season unworn? :-/

Haha!! I’m finally reading this post. I know which one on the list was mine, recognized it immediately! 🙂 And I want to say, #49 made me LOL! Love this list.

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