Ink Slingers Martina

23 Ways Society Lies to Catholic Women


Society tries so hard to feed women lies about our self-worth. What makes it worse is that the comments directed to Catholic women aren’t just a stab at our womanhood, but the Faith we profess and strive to live each day. Oftentimes, I find myself in casual conversation with other Catholic women and how the message society sends to women is often demeaning to those who choose any path that’s different than what society has defined as “successful.” As a result, I find there to be varying levels and degrees of inadequacy that women may experience as a result. We have sometimes unknowingly bought the lie that any of the following must be true for us to fit the mold of that perfect female in society. Among the many women who I asked what lies they had heard over the years, it was refreshing to see a common thread that more and more women are catching on to those lies and seeing them for what they are. Here are just a few of those lies:

  • Birth control will solve all your problems.
  • Teen moms always fail. Teens can’t be good parents. Kids ruin your life. Your career and/or education is the most important thing in your life.
  • You don’t need a man. Men are the enemy.
  • Women’s issues translate to people touting free birth control or abortion access instead of issues we actually care about like jobs and security.
  • Instead of focusing on why women are different and amazing creatures… we should be trying to constantly prove how we can do anything men can do 
  • Being a mom isn’t a job. That everything has to be perfect all of the time. That if you stay at home, your husband won’t respect you because you don’t bring in money. That all men are pigs. That all men only want one thing, and you should be ok with that because we are all “sexual beings” and it’s ok to experiment. That he won’t buy the cow if he hasn’t had the milk (lol). How much times have changed… we went from “if you have sex with him, he’ll never marry you”, to “if you don’t have sex with him, he won’t ever commit to you” – Good Lord, help us.
  • Children don’t need fathers.
  • Wanting to be a stay at home mom (or even a mom at all) is proof that you’re oppressed (and, usually, have “internalized” and accepted that oppression as normal).
  • A “real woman” can “have it all” and successfully balance being a mom and having a full-time job. Thus proving that if you feel like a failure when you try to do both, that you’re just not good enough.
  • Sex without commitment and consequences (and by extension, birth control and abortion) is good for women.
  • Women are better than men.
  • That your worth comes from achievements and productivity.
  • If your toddler is attached to you, you have trouble letting your children grow up.
  • Children are inconvenient. 
  • There’s nothing wrong with sleeping around if you aren’t going to get married. Virginity is a “waste”. Women can do anything men can do and vice versa.
  • A Catholic woman’s stance on serving her husband is lowering the intelligence and worth of women because we should all be feminist who think men are objects or something, right?
  • Children are super expensive. For us, children have been a bigger “line item” than we ever anticipatedūüėČ
    The message then for me is that children are not *worth* the expense. 
  • Sort of the same line of thought, though not so much a message for/about women: kids don’t naturally like/welcome younger siblings, sibling rivalry is the natural way and you always need to go out of your way to prevent it and make them at least “okay” with being “replaced” as the youngest.
  • It’s normal, acceptable, and good for men to look at porn and you are a horrible, controlling spouse/partner if you don’t want your SO to watch porn/go to strip clubs/masturbate.
  • If you stay at home, you have it so easy. Everything should be done perfectly all the time. Homemade birthday cakes, clean house, obedient children. It’s not like you have an actual job.
  • Oh, and you can’t spend money on yourself because you didn’t earn it. And you made this choice, so you’d better not complain or show signs of having difficulties with it.
  • As a Catholic woman: There is only one way to be feminine. Whether it’s the traddie version of the Stepford wife or the Proverbs 31 superwoman, there is only one ideal. And you don’t even come close.
  • Your beauty is external. I would add that, no matter your accomplishments as a woman, you are not good enough/less than/uninteresting unless you are sexually attractive. Your value comes from your external appeal.
  • As Catholic woman we are oppressed, too. There is no place in the Church for women if we can’t be priests.

Do you recognize any of these?

Perhaps you have heard your own.

What do you wish society understood about you, a Catholic woman?

Ink Slingers Martina Motherhood Vocations

50 Shocking Things {Im}perfect Catholic Women Admit

Have you ever wondered if other Catholic women are normal like you, possibly not getting out of their jammies for the day, or feeding their kids an unhealthy dinner? I will admit that in some small way, I get satisfaction knowing that other people are imperfect. It levels the playing field. Perhaps I am doing my part to obliterate the idea of perfection and destroy the Keep Up With The Joneses image some fall prey to.

I love that part of being Catholic includes having a sense of humor. Better still is self-deprecating humor. It’s what binds us together. Our flaws and our faults and knowing we’re not alone…

Recently, in a Facebook group of Catholic women, someone posted “Not really confession thread. Confessions of Real Catholic Women…” Initially I gasped in horror – NOOOOO! But, then I clicked to look at the comments. I couldn’t not look. I¬†couldn’t stop laughing. It was an online rubbernecker’s delight. You will feel like you stepped inside a hen house…I give you, a glimpse inside the¬†world of¬†real Catholic women.¬†

::names have been withheld to protect those with no shame::

  1. I sometimes just hide laundry in my closet when guests come over. I haven’t left my bedroom door open for years when we have company because it’s such a mess.¬†
  2. ^^ I do that, too. We also have snacks for dinner, like popcorn, or meat/cheese/fruit, probably an average of once a week. Ugh, cooking fail.
  3. That’s what I’m doing right now. Company will be here in 15 minutes!
  4. Sometimes the laundry sits in the washer long enough that I have to wash it again.
  5. I sometimes put my headphones in when the kids are talking to me nonstop so that they’ll think I’m listening to music and they’ll go away for a bit. It’s either that, or just let my head explode from all the chatter!
  6. I homeschool, and my school room looks like a bomb went off in it.
  7. I do the laundry thing at LEAST once a week, lol!!
  8. I gotta be honest, I’m looking at my phone during the day waaaaay too much.¬†Words with Friends. Need I say more?
  9. I shove papers and mail into a drawer or a closet before guests come over….where did I put that electric bill?
  10. We’ve been in our house for 2 years and there are still boxes unpacked in the basement.
  11. We purposely take our toddlers and babies out of their carriers and hold them during the Kiss of Peace so that we don’t have to hold hands with the people around us during flu season.
  12.  I hang washed and dried shirts up (without ironing them).
  13. My Christmas trees are still up. I just can’t bear the thought of hauling all those rubbermaid totes up the stairs and wrapping each ornament. Ugh. The worst job ever. I’d rather scrub a toilet.
  14. My apartment is so messy that we never have company over …Ever
  15. ¬†I’m married to a hog farmer and I do not like pork very much.
  16. Okay, here’s a Catholic one. I dread family rosary. “Hail Mary, full of grace — Audrey, sit down! — the Lord is with thee …” “Which bead are we on, mama?” etc.¬†¬†
    And I long for the day that I don’t have to whisper in my mean-mom voice, “Eyes on the altar!” right before the Consecration.
  17. What is “ironing”? Lol
  18. 9828583e6fd6bc94dc50fee43829c7aeOh that sounds like my home with the rosary ‘ let the dog out, let the dog in, blow your nose, no you may not have a cookie’. God must spend a lot of time in giggles when he hears our family pray.
  19. I watched a show where the woman hid stuff in her dishwasher and I thought she was brilliant instead of lazy. Lol
  20. My kids think mashed potatoes come from a box. ūüėČ
  21. I grew up in Indiana and do not like basketball.
  22. I should be cleaning my house right now instead of sitting in my pajamas in the easy chair goofing off on FB. But I digress.
  23. I hate vacuuming and mopping and only do it if we’re expecting special company. If it’s just normal friends, don’t even do it for them. And my husband does more housework than I do!
  24. My kids think cheering for the Packers is a sort of secondary religion. My fault. I wonder how long I’ll spend in purgatory for that.
  25. My business is to help others lose weight teaching healthy eating habits….I ate a skor bar for breakfast today.
  26. I work days and my husband works nights and my bed is never made
  27. What is this made thing on a bed? I don’t understand those words in that order.
  28. That thread someone posted with the article about not wearing jammies more than once and changing your sheets a lot made me realize that most of you had better never come to my house!
  29. I get anxious when there is clutter and dirty dishes. I play a game on the computer to escape. I have to limit myself to one game or I would be traumatized when I looked up.
  30. I hide food in the house (and rotate it) to keep my teenagers from consuming $200 worth of groceries in a week.
  31. Since moving into our house nine years ago, the windows have only been cleaned once by my parents when they were staying home with my infant daughter until the end of the school year.
  32. You can clean windows?
  33. I also have unpacked boxes and we have been in our house 11 years. When you think about it, it makes you realize how much crap you really have.
  34. I bought wonder window spray to attach to my hose and spray and clean my outside windows. I bought it 4 years ago. It’s still sitting under my sink.
  35. Sorry mine might be the grossest. I have laid a towel down on a wet bed in the middle of the night and told the kid to go back to bed.
  36. i_love_this_postI’m about to go to the movies with my family and I fully intend on having buttery topping(whatever that chemical is) on my popcorn AND having a candy. It’s been “a week”. I don’t care today.
  37.  I have a Candy Crush addiction.
  38. I’m sitting in the car with the radio on in my driveway, on facebook. My daughter fell asleep 1/4 of a stinking mile from home. She’s so tall I can’t get her out of the car without waking her up and I really want 45 minutes of quiet. Ok… I really want three hours of quiet but that’s a lot of gas to burn.
  39. I made brownies and ate them all before my kids could have any.
  40. For my church meetings in the evening I sometimes leave the house earlier than I need to just to stop and get coffee and sit in car to unwind. …leaving DH with DD.
  41. When I’m hungry and hurried, which is often, if I know my floor is acceptably (do not define acceptably) clean when I’m picking a chip or cracker up, I . . . will . . . eat . . . it. That has to be the most embarrassing one of the bunch.
  42. Most of the peanut butter eaten in our house is eaten with a spoon, not as a sandwich.
  43. I dropped a garlic bread stick in my car, which is filthy. But it looked clean and I didn’t want to waste it…so I ate it.
  44. My (uncut) pumpkins were out until Dec 22 when DH finally got home and tossed them. Friends joked that they were going to come over and put Santa hats on them.
  45. I hide candy and sometimes lock myself in the bathroom alone to have it
  46. I’m addicted to reality tv. I prefer my PJ’s to most of my clothes. Also, I can’t remember the last time I washed my kitchen floor.
  47. I sometimes sit on the potty way longer than I need to just because I actually get some peace and quiet. Sometimes I come out and my husband looks really concerned.
  48. We have had ice cream Sunday suppers more than once in the last year.
  49. One of my kids has a loose tooth and was really working it during Mass, this tooth is barely hanging on and I was contemplating on how inappropriate it would be to just yank it out. Then I remembered the pew of nuns just behind us.
  50. My baby woke up early today so I consoled myself with cake for breakfast.