Then Jesus said to his disciples,
“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,
take up his cross, and follow me.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world
and forfeit his life?
Or what can one give in exchange for his life?
For the Son of Man will come with his angels in his Father’s glory,
and then he will repay all according to his conduct.”
Matthew 16:24-27
Sometimes I feel like a life on hold. Life is on hold while we run from activity to activity so quickly while planning how we can fit it all in. We run on coffee and fumes and daydream (because sleep is fleeting and too short when it is achieved) of the day when we won’t be sleep-deprived. We talk about how someday we’ll be able to help and make a difference. Please don’t get me wrong. I love watching my children play their sports or do their activities. I cherish our daily walks. At the end of the day, I fall asleep nursing the baby in the chair, too tired to carry on a conversation. I feel guilty that I have little to give to anyone outside our immediate family. I know this season of life will pass and all too soon at that. It’s little consolation in the moment though.
Yesterday was Eucharistic Adoration at church. It was on my mind all day to go. After I made sure the puppy was walked and the children were picked up at school and… Well as things turned out, I didn’t make it. “Life” happened. Instead, Adoration should have been at the top of my list. Stop in at drop off, not after pick up. Then the unexpected call or the nap at just the time I could have gone wouldn’t have derailed my plans.
I know God is there in the waiting. He is with me as I speed through each day. It’s me viewing these interruptions and activities as obstacles to prayer life instead of God’s plan for my life right now. It’s me not living with the joy He wants me to have.
My life isn’t the moments around the activities or the games. My life IS the activities and the games, the laundry and housecleaning, the homework and refereeing the sibling conversations, the carpooling. These daily things need to be taken to God and done with Him and in Him and for Him, with joy, for the abundant blessings He has poured into our life.
One of my favorite songs right now is called, “Unfinished.” I love listening to this song to start my day, as it reminds me that whatever mistakes I make, God only makes masterpieces, and as one of His creations I’m “just unfinished.”
I may remain tired and sleep-deprived for years to come, but I need to redefine my goals and ambitions. My thoughts should not be about how tired I am but about how I can offer my work and my day to God and live in His joy and Grace.
I may put hundreds of miles a day on my van while basically driving in circles. However, if my joy is for the Lord, He will use me right here, right now. It’s time to press the “play” button and live.
