Ink Slingers Martina

23 Ways Society Lies to Catholic Women


Society tries so hard to feed women lies about our self-worth. What makes it worse is that the comments directed to Catholic women aren’t just a stab at our womanhood, but the Faith we profess and strive to live each day. Oftentimes, I find myself in casual conversation with other Catholic women and how the message society sends to women is often demeaning to those who choose any path that’s different than what society has defined as “successful.” As a result, I find there to be varying levels and degrees of inadequacy that women may experience as a result. We have sometimes unknowingly bought the lie that any of the following must be true for us to fit the mold of that perfect female in society. Among the many women who I asked what lies they had heard over the years, it was refreshing to see a common thread that more and more women are catching on to those lies and seeing them for what they are. Here are just a few of those lies:

  • Birth control will solve all your problems.
  • Teen moms always fail. Teens can’t be good parents. Kids ruin your life. Your career and/or education is the most important thing in your life.
  • You don’t need a man. Men are the enemy.
  • Women’s issues translate to people touting free birth control or abortion access instead of issues we actually care about like jobs and security.
  • Instead of focusing on why women are different and amazing creatures… we should be trying to constantly prove how we can do anything men can do 
  • Being a mom isn’t a job. That everything has to be perfect all of the time. That if you stay at home, your husband won’t respect you because you don’t bring in money. That all men are pigs. That all men only want one thing, and you should be ok with that because we are all “sexual beings” and it’s ok to experiment. That he won’t buy the cow if he hasn’t had the milk (lol). How much times have changed… we went from “if you have sex with him, he’ll never marry you”, to “if you don’t have sex with him, he won’t ever commit to you” – Good Lord, help us.
  • Children don’t need fathers.
  • Wanting to be a stay at home mom (or even a mom at all) is proof that you’re oppressed (and, usually, have “internalized” and accepted that oppression as normal).
  • A “real woman” can “have it all” and successfully balance being a mom and having a full-time job. Thus proving that if you feel like a failure when you try to do both, that you’re just not good enough.
  • Sex without commitment and consequences (and by extension, birth control and abortion) is good for women.
  • Women are better than men.
  • That your worth comes from achievements and productivity.
  • If your toddler is attached to you, you have trouble letting your children grow up.
  • Children are inconvenient. 
  • There’s nothing wrong with sleeping around if you aren’t going to get married. Virginity is a “waste”. Women can do anything men can do and vice versa.
  • A Catholic woman’s stance on serving her husband is lowering the intelligence and worth of women because we should all be feminist who think men are objects or something, right?
  • Children are super expensive. For us, children have been a bigger “line item” than we ever anticipated😉
    The message then for me is that children are not *worth* the expense. 
  • Sort of the same line of thought, though not so much a message for/about women: kids don’t naturally like/welcome younger siblings, sibling rivalry is the natural way and you always need to go out of your way to prevent it and make them at least “okay” with being “replaced” as the youngest.
  • It’s normal, acceptable, and good for men to look at porn and you are a horrible, controlling spouse/partner if you don’t want your SO to watch porn/go to strip clubs/masturbate.
  • If you stay at home, you have it so easy. Everything should be done perfectly all the time. Homemade birthday cakes, clean house, obedient children. It’s not like you have an actual job.
  • Oh, and you can’t spend money on yourself because you didn’t earn it. And you made this choice, so you’d better not complain or show signs of having difficulties with it.
  • As a Catholic woman: There is only one way to be feminine. Whether it’s the traddie version of the Stepford wife or the Proverbs 31 superwoman, there is only one ideal. And you don’t even come close.
  • Your beauty is external. I would add that, no matter your accomplishments as a woman, you are not good enough/less than/uninteresting unless you are sexually attractive. Your value comes from your external appeal.
  • As Catholic woman we are oppressed, too. There is no place in the Church for women if we can’t be priests.

Do you recognize any of these?

Perhaps you have heard your own.

What do you wish society understood about you, a Catholic woman?

Guest Posts Little Sistas

“The Catholic Church is Irrelevant to Today’s Youth”– a young woman’s perspective


This post is part of our Little Sistas series, in which we showcase writing by talented young ladies who love the Faith.

“The Catholic Church is irrelevant to today’s youth.” This is the falsehood promulgated by society in the hope that it will become a reality. This is achieved by focusing completely on the negatives of youth: the wild parties, drug abuse, and casual sex that occupy only a fraction of youth today, as many teens, such as me, would prefer to view the drama of the stereotypical teenage lifestyle from the comfort of their living room couches. Those television shows, such as Gossip Girl and The Secret Life of the American Teenager, portray a sect of teenagers that has given in to the “church of society” in which morality is irrelevant in the hedonistic pursuit of pleasure; the “weird” Christian girl loses her virginity and abandons her beliefs and the parents who once preached about faith and morality to their children are often times the most immoral of all. These messages illustrate a society which has lost faith in the moral capacity of its youth and persecutes those that hope to rise above the stereotypes. However, hidden beneath the falsities and drama of the media is a youth that is bursting with passion for the faith, a youth which defies the stereotypes society has thrust upon them and fully realizes the true relevance of the Catholic Church today.

As a Catholic youth, I have come to fully realize the relevance of the Catholic Church in my life, for walking into my church greatly parallels walking into the home of a friend, not in appearance or smell, but in feeling, for in entering the house of God I feel completely welcome and at peace. My senses are overtaken by the splendor with which I am met because there is truly beauty in everything. The choir, their voices in perfect harmony, as unique as every ingredient in a perfect meal, the incense, a scent so powerful it cleanses me of all my worries, and most of all, the tabernacle, adorned with jewels of every color meant to reflect the treasure it holds inside, the Eucharist, the body of Christ, the food which nourishes not my body, but my soul. Entering a church reminds me that I am part of something much greater than myself, the celebration that is exclusive to the Catholic Church. I am in awe of the history of the Catholic Church and the strength of faith which its members embody. The reverence of the Mass and the love and care with which cathedrals and basilicas have been built remind me of the greatness of God and his presence in my life.  The strength of the Church provides me with strength in my faith. Being Catholic is the most important part of my entire being, for it has been engrained in me since my conception and I have embraced it throughout my life.

In attending a Catholic high school, I have the privilege to be surrounded by those who have completely embraced the faith in their lives. They are not solely Catholic because it’s what their parents believe or what they’ve been taught since they were in grade school (though there definitely are teenage Catholics who fit that description), they are Catholic because they deeply and genuinely love the faith. This love is truly beautiful, for the passion of youth, usually stereotyped by parties and promiscuity, translates into the celebration of the Mass, because for us, the Mass is exactly that, a celebration. They celebrate the impact the Catholic Church has had on their lives because they are better, more joyful people because of it, and they hope to continue the celebration in their daily lives. These youth are inspired to make an impact on the lives of others, for the Church gives them the strength and confidence to become leaders in the community, to spread the love of God throughout the world– or simply in their high school community, and to service others to the best of their abilities– whether that be acting as a part of campus ministry or volunteering at a homeless shelter. Regardless of the important impact of the faith on youth around the world, there continues to be teenagers and adults alike that will argue that the Church’s teachings on chastity, homosexuality, and numerous other issues are outdated and inapplicable to society today; however, those who truly know the Church and its teachings realize that they are meant to foster love and goodness in our lives, so that we may be joyful and at peace. We as youth recognize the profound effects the faith can have on the life of an individual if one is both open and disciplined. We take solace in the community of the Church and celebrate the joy which we have received from the faith because the Church is timeless. It realizes the worth of every human being, including its youth. This fact is what draws the youth of today, for the Church recognizes that we have something to offer the world and that we can make an impact. It encourages us to be the greatest versions of ourselves and supports us when we have lost our way. The Church has always been and always will be relevant to youth, for the youth is always relevant to the Church.

er::Erin Rose Howard is a high school senior and honors student who has attended Catholic schools for almost fourteen years. She enjoys reading and is passionate about writing. She is active in student council, was a member of her parish’s youth group, and her school’s SOUL club (Students Organized to Uphold Life). She says her life is guided by the four Fs: food, friends, family, and most of all FAITH.::