Conversion Discipleship Faith Formation Ink Slingers Jesus Is Lord Jesus Is Lord course Martina Series

Jesus Is Lord of My Sexuality {Week Nine}

SEXUALITYchrist-king3Welcome to the Jesus is Lord series! This course offered for adults at St. William Catholic Church in Round Rock, Texas.

If this is your first time visiting this series, I encourage you to take a few moments and read through the series introduction that will give a clear picture of the purpose and content of the Jesus Is Lord course. The introduction post not only outlines the course, but goes over the motivation to share in this class on the internet. 

Today’s class is about Jesus is Lord of My Sexuality. Last week’s class was about Jesus is Lord of My TreasureIf you would prefer to watch this class, please scroll to the bottom. Keep in mind the recorded classes are not from our current class and contain testimonies from different people presented in the text below. Check back next week for the final installment which will cover Intentional Discipleship & The Commissioning. 



With all the expertise in the parish on this topic, Father Uche jokes that he doesn’t understand how he gets stuck with the talk on sex. 😉

So, he throws out two words. And we’re going to play Word Association.

Catholic Church + Sex







birth control


Rhythm method


Think about it. If we have these knee-jerk reactions and we are Catholics in the Church who know what’s going on, can you imagine how the average person outside the Church thinks of those two words?

STORY. Father Uche shares an incident while he was doing his Spanish immersion. There was a German lady at breakfast each day who he noticed did not say grace. He asked if he could say grace with her, and she rejected him. I guess she’s not Catholic, he thought. What church do you go to? She said she didn’t believe anything. For this poor boy from Nigeria {his words}, this was earth shattering. Where he comes from, everyone believes in something, even if it’s something like a rock…or his microphone.

Well, she took him to the cleaners – took him on a tear about the Catholic Church and said it was mysoginistic and homophobic.

Everything she said about the Church sounded horrible.

His response was something along the lines of well, some of the things you said…yes, are true. That part is true. But do you know why we do that?

And there was a long silence.

People have that reaction to the Catholic Church, but they rarely know why they have the reaction they do.

 We need to challenge people to go beyond the surface of the Church.

 Why do people think the Church is…outdated?

The idea that the Church says NO to sex…could not be further from the truth.

Do you know why?

Father Uche says if you look at a parish like St. William and compare us to the average American family, I think we have a couple more kids than everybody else. And we know…they don’t just arrive in the mail. So…there is a process in place. There is a plan. Somebody has given us a directive on how we are able to do things.

We have {already learned that we need} to live a Christian life that is complete and comprehensive. If we understand the underlying foundation of making Jesus the Lord of our life, then it naturally affects all aspects of our life. If you disagree there is a plan and that we are all here by accident, then whatever you say might make sense. BUT, if you believe and AGREE that there is a design and a plan…that there is an order, then we have to live according to that plan.

EXAMPLE. Father Uche drives a Chevy Malibu and it serves him well. And he loves beer…two kinds – Guinness and the rest! Guess what? He loves Guiness so much that that is what he is going to put that in his gas tank.

What will happen?

Attendees: You can’t do that!

Are you going to tell me I can’t put beer in my car? Who are you to tell me I can’t do that?

 What is your reaction?

 You’re stupid.

You’re a bad person.

Your car will break.

It won’t go far.

It’s a waste of beer.

Putting beer in is not part of the design of the car.

Father Uche: That’s your opinion. I don’t care, I will do what I want. You, with your gasoline-based morality are trying to dictate to me what I should put in my car.


And that is the same thing that happens with the human body.

BUT, we are different than some mass-produced Chevy Malibu.


Do you think God is at least smart enough to know how our bodies work? God says I know what will make you happy and what will make you break down – do this, this, this, not that, this, etc.

If a dumb guy is going to put Guinness in his car, you could just let him…

If we want our car to work optimally, we have to treat it the way it’s meant to work.

It’s sad the amount of ignorance there is on THIS topic {of sexuality}.


Hosea 4:6 My people perish for want of knowledge! Since you have rejected knowledge, I will reject you from my priesthood; Since you have ignored the law of your God, I will also ignore your sons.


This Scripture has notable application on our topic this evening. When God made us, He gave us an owner’s manual – do this and don’t do that.


When people talk about the Church and sex…ordinarily, we wouldn’t care what’s going on down on Sixth Street, but our attitude should be concern for others.

The Secular Response – Get the pope out of my bedroom. But, if we are prophets to bring the message of Jesus Christ to others, that will make you happy. The response wouldn’t be one of demanding the pope get out of our bedroom. The secular worldview is one in which the Catholic Church doesn’t want you to have fun, but the reality is that the Church wants you to have fun that doesn’t hurt you…fun that will last.

Look at my body, Father Uche says.

{immature crowd}

 The word body causes people to snicker.

STORY. He saw a billboard one day with a provocative woman. The ad was selling…SHOES. Seriously?? was his response. That’s what you’re selling me? SHOES???? Who is the genius that came up with that marketing?? It took him 70% of the time he looked at it to figure out it was for shoes.

Women love shoes! They don’t need the extra stuff in advertisements. When ads are suggestive and provocative, all we see is is that person sexy? Is she hot or not?

That is not how we should look at the human body. I cannot get to know who someone is except through their body. The body is much more than what our culture tries to tell us. Our culture tries to degrade our bodies.

St. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:20 For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.

Your body is much more than what our culture tries to tell us that it is. 

Romans 12:1 I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.

When we look at the human body, we see something that is much more than physical. This is the body that will be RAISED. This is the body which will be with God forever. Sometimes we think this body is rotten and corrupt and only our soul will go to heaven – this is WRONG. We believe in {and profess each week at Mass} the resurrection of the body.

 We believe in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
Maker of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made, consubstantial
of one Being with the Father.

Through him all things were made.

For us and for our salvation
he came down from heaven:
and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate
he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
and was made man.

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.

On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.

With the Father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified.

He has spoken through the Prophets.

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.

We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.

We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. Amen.


Your soul and your body go hand in hand. We are not spirits trapped in our bodies.

We are made for communion with another. If a martian observed us, it would notice that there are two basic types of human beings based on how we walk, talk, look. It would notice that these two types like to be together. It is something that is hardwired in us, that we are not created for ourselves…we are created for communion. Even in the sexual realm.

No one is created to be self sufficient.

God designed it such that you need the other person.


You need someone else to complement you.

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him.”

The sharing is special when it comes to sex. God says this is SO special that we are meant to share it with ONE other human being. Sex is SO good that we become co-creators with Him.

 God made man and woman to complement

each other sexually and it was not a mistake.

It was a plan.

Blessed John Paul II tells us something along the same lines when he talks about the nuptial meaning of the body, spousal giving of oneself. And because of that, there is a secret glow in your heart that comes alive with joy because you are fulfilling one of the reasons you were created. We are made to give ourselves to other people. And in this communion, the man and the woman are perfectly matched, designed for each other.

But, just like anything in creation, this plan of God can be abused. St. Augustine says, evil is always the absence of good.

The devil cannot create.

The devil cannot make anything.

All he does is destroy what God is already made.

The same thing with sex. Human sexuality is amazing. Sex is so awesome that without it, none of us would be here today! It’s good, but knowing that it is good, means knowing it can be used for evil. Any good faculty can be used for evil.

The self gift has to be FREE. The freedom of the self-giving reflects God’s freedom in loving us. Because the love between a man and a woman reflects the love that God has for us, that He chose to love us freely.

The self gift has to be TOTAL.

It has to be FAITHFUL because it reflects the love between God and Israel. The Church is always referred to as the Bride of Christ. He is always faithful to His Bride.

It has to be FRUITFUL. It is not an option to say I don’t want that one. God intends for this self gift to bear fruit. God is always pouring out His gifts to us. He is pouring out for you and I.

Father Uche touches briefly on


It is not Catholic divorce. There is NO such thing as a Catholic divorce.

We believe no human being has the power to break up what God joined. But sometimes consent can be lacking. If a marriage lacks any of the four qualities {free, total, faithful, fruitful} BEFORE the marriage, that’s when an annulment can occur. There was a defect at the root, and one of the essential qualities was lacking.


There is a risk we run when we condemn others for using it, but we have to acknowledge the plan for our lives. There is an order to our lives…and it’s difficult, and it’s tough, but it’s possible. Father Uche issues a challenge for us to investigate the Church’s position and why the Church says no to contraception and the contraceptive mentality.

It goes against the fundamental plan God has in place for us. Does this mean that the Church says you SHOULD have 30 children? No, not necessarily. The Church wants you to be a responsible steward of your sexuality.

Analogy: using contraception is like giving God disinvitation to a wedding party. You can’t invite everyone because your resources are limited. So, you invite 50…but then you send a DISINVITATION to the ones who can’t come. Here’s where it’s going to be, but you are NOT welcome. You send them all the juicy details and then tell them they can’t come. There is a difference between not inviting someone and then flat out disinviting them.

Natural Family Planning: It is not Catholic contraception. It’s all in the motive. Contraceptive mentality says to God we’re going to engage in this act, but we don’t want a child. Just as with the challenge to research the Church’s position on contraception, go and investigate what the Church says about Natural Family Planning. Learn about it and make an informed decision. The science proves the efficacy of NFP.


Scroll down to the bottom and click on the link to the St. William Adult Faith Formation page – it will load up the class on sexuality. At the 55:00 mark, the testimony will begin. This is from a previous semester.


  1. What is the Church’s stance on medical sterilizations in the scenario where pregnancy is likely to cause death of the mother? That is an area that is still contentious among some circles. The Church exists for life. We are not going to put the mother in a situation that would cost her her life. Having said that, sterilization is not the only way to go. It is always about preserving life. The Church never actively supports abortion. In the process of saving a life, something else happens, then the principle of double effect occurs. The primary action was to save a life, not cause the loss of a life. We respect the opinions of doctors, but when they suggest something that goes against our beliefs, we need to take that to prayer in how to respond.
  2. What is the Church’s view on getting a tubal or vasectomy? The answer is simple. It is not open to life. It is not permissible. It does not allow the husband and wife to fully consent to one another in the sexual act, so it is prohibited for that reason as well.
  3. How do I handle my dealings with the children raised by homosexual family members with love and compassion? You have to love people authentically. When you really love people, and they know you love them and you are being honest with them and they know who you are? When it comes time for difficult things to be discussed, they may not agree with you or accept what you’re saying at that point, but knowing in the back of their mind who you are and that you love them and that you have not judged them before, it is easier to take in what you have to say. IF you are a person who is always harping on them about their misgivings, then you will be seen as being judgmental. What I would recommend is that you pray about it. This is one of those times when Jesus says He will give you the words to say. Continue to ask the Holy Spirit for inspiration and just love them. Without love, you won’t be able to get through. God Himself does love them.



Each day from here on out through the rest of the class you will read and reflect on the daily readings or the reflections from One Bread, One Body. You can access them by going to the USCCB’s website OR you can download the Laudate app {available on iPhones and Android}. The One Bread, One Body reflections can be accessed through the Laudate app by going through Daily Readings => Reflections.

For more reflection, click to download Praying with Scripture.



Homework is to be done daily – reflect on Scripture and Jesus is Lord of My Sexuality through the week. If you are in a group, pair up two or three and commit to pray daily for your prayer partner. Small groups come together for a few minutes of question and answer in the large group. If you have any questions, please leave a comment in the combox below so that we can help in any way possible.


Prayer of Abandonment

I abandon myself into Your hands;
do with me what You will.
Whatever You may do, I thank You:
I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only Your will be done in me,
and in all Your creatures –
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into Your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to You with all the love of my heart,
for I love You, Lord, and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into Your hands without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for You are my Father.

Charles de Foucauld

OPTIONS: If you would like to watch, please visit the St. William Adult Faith Formation page to watch the previously recorded class.



Ink Slingers Misty

Fifty Shades of Porn

In case you haven’t heard, the most popular books on the planet right now are the Fifty Shades of Grey series by E.L. James. Not because they contain fine literature, but because they contain explicit sex scenes with characters engaging in sadomasochistic bondage. Given our culture, it’s no surprise the books are flying off the shelves and onto Nooks and Kindles at lightening speed. What is surprising, however, is that so many Christians are openly reading and even promoting these books to friends and family.

Well, why not? Fifty years ago, pornography was considered immoral at worst, unseemly at best, but clearly something in contrast to Christian values of fidelity, chastity, and self-control. But today, it’s not even morally neutral, but something people actually recommend to improve a relationship or marriage. The prevailing attitude is that in moderation, it’s harmless. And as an occasionally-used tool, it can actually bring a couple closer and enhance their sex life.

I might buy this, except I’m no stranger to porn and its consequences. I was first exposed to it at the tender age of five, when an adult male babysitter showed me scenes from the film he was watching. At 10, I was cleaning another family’s basement and found an issue of Playgirl. The explicit images shocked and disturbed me, but I still squirreled it away for later viewing. At 12, I found the porn channels on our satellite dish and watched every time my parents ran errands without me. I even stole sexually-explicit paperbacks from my aunt, which were just as effective in piquing my interest and libido as films. (Which is how I know Shades of Grey is just gussied up smut.)

But this was all child’s play compared to the porn I encountered at 17. My 30-year-old boyfriend, Dan, had amassed a large and varied pornography collection. His insistence that porn was just another tool to spice things up in the bedroom is almost certainly why it became a part of every sexual relationship I had after that. It helped that men were impressed I was so “cool” about it. It even seemed normal to use pornography during the first few years of my marriage.

I don’t think these experiences are unusual among my peers and young people today. Most people have adopted Dan’s progressive attitude about pornography–that it’s a harmless diversion that can ultimately lead to better sex and thus, stronger relationships. Except it isn’t true. Experience, statistics, and science tell us a very different story about porn.

Porn changes the brain. And not in a good way.

Research shows that pornography use causes the same kind of brain damage as substance abuse. Like opiates and other drugs, porn triggers the release of dopamine, a vital neurotransmitter associated with pleasure. The massive dopamine release then greatly reinforces your body’s memory of the experience, spurring you to want to do it again (and again). This is why it’s so easy to become addicted to porn, because just like with drugs, our brain then wires our body to desire that extreme sexual high.

The dopamine released with porn use also causes your brain to process the images (real or imagined) in such a way that they’re stored in long-term memory and replayed repeatedly in your mind. As anyone who has regularly viewed porn can attest: these images are burned into your brain forever. I can still vividly recall scenes in books and movies from nearly 30 years ago. Many of these scenes were grossly immoral and I would love to purge them from my memory, but the brain damage is, unfortunately, permanent. No one tells you that when you watch a porno, you’re going to have to watch it forever, whether you want to or not.

The other thing they don’t tell you is that just like someone who takes drugs, you’re going to need more and more porn over time to get the same fix. Dan had been using porn for 15 years and the tame stuff just didn’t do it for him anymore. Near the end of our relationship, I discovered he possessed videos that featured bizarre fetishes, beastiality, incest, and sadomasochism. What people are using today is not your father’s Playboy stash, researchers say. It’s hardcore, scary, and it seriously warps you.

Porn harms men.

Men are wired to be stimulated visually, which typically makes them more prone to concupiscence (a fancy word for lust). To sustain a healthy, give-and-take relationship with a flesh-and-blood woman, a man must learn self-control, self-giving, and self-sacrifice. He must treat the woman as a person with dignity, not just a thing to be used for his sexual pleasure.

But the message of pornography undermines those goals and as we’ve shown, those messages send down deep roots into a person’s psyche. In porn, men and women are not rich, complex persons with hopes, dreams, and emotional needs, but things that use other things for personal pleasure. Sexual desire is portrayed as an animalistic, uncontrollable urge that you have a right to indulge. There is no expectation of fidelity or consequences for being unfaithful; monogamy is a joke.

It should be no surprise then, that men who imbibe a steady diet of pornography have problems maintaining a healthy relationship with a woman. Men see plastic, sex-crazed women in pornos, then get disappointed when their girlfriends and wives don’t look or act that way. (And nothing turns a woman on like knowing her guy got turned on by another woman.)

A significant number of men are also plagued by anxiety that they don’t measure up–literally or performance-wise–to the men they see in pornos. One study found that less than half of all men (45%) felt they were adequately endowed. As one man put it, “I wasn’t able to perform unless I thought I was the biggest. In my mind, I couldn’t see why a girl would want to be with me if she could have someone bigger.”

Porn hurts women.

Few people realize that that nearly 30% of sex addicts are women, with some studies showing that one out of six women–including Christian women–struggle with an addiction to pornography. Not that you have to be addicted to be damaged by porn. A recent study confirmed what women have known for years: that pornography leaves women feeling dismissed, unloved, inadequate, and betrayed.

Porn destroys marriages.

Patrick Fagan, director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion, calls pornography a “quiet family killer.” A good description when you consider that a spouse’s porn addition is a factor in 56% of divorces today. Divorce attorneys have confirmed this stat: at a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350 lawyers said porn had contributed to more than half the divorces they’d worked.


But all that’s neither here nor there, Shades of Grey fans will say. Erotic fiction isn’t porn. It doesn’t involve real people, so it’s not harmful like visual pornography is.

When I was a newly converted and spiritually immature Catholic, I used those same excuses to justify reading porn instead of watching it. But then I realized I read the stories for the same reason I’d watched the movies: to get sexually aroused. I just used my imagination instead of a television, but the end result was the same. Pornography, whether it’s tucked away in the back room of a video store or between the pages of a bestselling novel, has only one purpose: to incite lust. Christians especially should remember what Jesus said about that: “I say unto you, that every one that looks on a woman with lust has committed adultery already with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

When we use our sexuality as God intended–in an act of mutual self-giving with our spouse–we get good outcomes. We bond with our spouse, we bring new life into the world, we forge strong marriages and families. But pornography turns what should be a most profound exchange of love into a solitary, selfish grasping for pleasure. It fosters sexual anxiety, damages our ability to have healthy relationships, and destroys marriages and families. Lust–and thus, porn–is sinful, folks. And we need to stop pretending there’s anything gray about that.