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Amy M. Ink Slingers Spiritual Growth

Thankful for…Mice?

“Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

For our family of seven (soon to be 8), a weekend “off” (or mostly off) is a rare and celebrated occasion. When that weekend falls in such a way that I’m not working AND the weather is nice, we get downright giddy – especially when said weekend is in November. See, we live in Indiana. We’ve been under frost advisories and even warnings since mid-September. When we saw the forecast for this weekend was temperatures in the 60’s, we started planning outside chores for the whole family. It is time to get ready for winter.

We decided on two tasks that really NEEDED to be accomplished this weekend. The leaves need to be raked, and the garage needs cleaned out. We had been working on several indoor projects as school started which had led us to neglecting the garage and using it more for storage of sports equipment instead of the van. Two mornings last week had frost thick enough to require a scraper on the windows, and thus I decided it was time to get the van back into the garage.

The kids decided to start with raking. My husband and I decided to start with emptying the garage. As we continued to empty, it became more and more evident that we have critters living in our garage, namely mice. First and foremost we were disgusted and feeling very creepy-crawly (and still feeling this way in many, many ways).

Then I started thinking about all the Facebook posts that run rampant in the month of November, “Today I am thankful for…” I do it too. And I truly am thankful, and very blessed, for my faith, husband, children, family, home, health, friends, and so on and so on. But what about the things that happen in the day-to-day, or even the minute-to-minute? Do I stop and remember to “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks?” Wait, rejoice and give thanks for mice in the garage?!? How do I do that? How do I give thanks and rejoice in the minute details?

In the case of the garage, I am thankful that the van hasn’t been in the garage. I am thankful that they are in the garage, not the house (stretching a little, yes, maybe).

When the children fight (what, kids fight? Not MINE ;)), I need to pray for God’s grace, for myself and for them. I also am thankful that I have children, that they are boisterous and opinionated, and that the majority of the time, they love and look out for each other. I may cringe when my oldest is the lector at Mass and our youngest cries out, “There’s my Jackie!” but inside I’m happy she loves her brother so much and even happier when, after Mass, he picks her up right in front of his classmates and friends to give her a hug before returning to school.

When someone is hurt or hurting at school or church, the prayer requests run rampant. I’m overwhelmed with emotion thinking of our school and our church family. There is no such thing as too many prayer requests because we are told to “Pray without ceasing.”

Our group comes together to provide meals for the family in crisis, rides for children, and childcare, whatever is needed. While we aren’t rejoicing that the family is having trouble, we rejoice that we have our faith uniting us and propelling us to be Christ in flesh to one another.

See, it is in our perspective that we can find God or get lost in this world. Jesus tells us to be in this world but not of this world. We are here to do our best, to serve God and others and love as Jesus did, but this is not our eternal home. In each moment we have a choice to fall victim to the self-pity that we may feel we deserve given our current circumstances or to turn to God and give Him our concerns, our worries, our failings, our triumphs. When we choose the latter, we are living as Jesus taught us, and we receive His strength to face our challenges. “I have the strength for everything through Him who empowers me.” Philippians 4:13

Getting back to our mouse situation, we could have chosen to let it ruin our weekend, turned on each other, blaming one another or the children for letting the garage become the mess it had, for spilling the dog food that seems to be so attractive to these creatures. Instead we chose to work together, to really clean out the garage, purging as we went, trying to minimize the attractiveness of our home and garage to these creatures in the future.

Every moment has the potential for being a “God-moment.” It doesn’t have to be a rock-my- world- life-changing event where we say, “Oh yeah, remember when God did…” Sometimes, it is the smile that greets you when you turn expecting a sour face because they were sitting by your biggish family at church. Sometimes, it is the basket scored by a player who doesn’t have that opportunity often and the cheer that rises from the crowd is reminiscent of winning a state tournament, and you know that is only because we are all a big family, united in Christ, that they cheer in such a way. When we focus on the key verse, “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, any moment becomes a “God-moment” because our eyes are open to His presence all around us and in our hearts.

What are you thankful for? What unexpected place have you seen God in your life?

 

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Ink Slingers Patty Testimonials

Self-Forgiveness

When I was 19 I made the mistake of seeking love from a man I dated in the wrong way and I started down a path of impurity that lasted, on and off, until I was 29 years old. I won’t say that I didn’t know better, I was completely aware of the gravity of the sins I was committing and I was mortified that I allowed my desire to be loved become more important than the salvation of my soul. There truly was no excuse for my taking a long ride down the slippery slope of immorality and I won’t offer one. I will offer this insight though:

I remember hearing James Dobson say that women give sex when looking for love and men give love when looking for sex. That was the mistake I made and how I wished I had been taught that bit of knowledge when I was in my early teens, it would have saved me from SO much heartache and sin.

During the years I lived in sin, there were dozens, if not hundreds of times when my shame would envelope me in a dark and ominous cloud of fear and regret. I would shut my eyes and visualize my soul, blackened, twisted and damaged as a result of my sins. At times I would hang my head and weep with the knowledge that for each mortal sin I had committed, my Lord and Savior had to endure yet another stinging lash of the whip as it ripped off one more piece of skin from His already aching and bleeding body; or perhaps it caused the centurion’s hammer to come pounding down again on the nail in Jesus’ hand, sending waves of pain so excruciating through His arm and body that words alone can not adequately describe the depth of His agony. MY sins caused this. I could not escape from this fact and in the end, it was this knowledge that gave me the strength to finally choose to once again live a life of sanctifying grace and leave sin behind.

My guilt for my former actions haunted me, even after I had gone to confession and began to practice my faith in earnest . I did not volunteer information on the mistakes I had made in my past to others, nor did I hide them when asked. I especially recall the reaction of one Catholic man who wanted to date me, ‘Wow, you were so much worse than me!’ Those words rang through my mind and heart for months afterwards and caused my self-loathing to increase by leaps and bounds.

I could not erase the pages I had written in the book of my life, as much as I desired to, and I wasted precious time repeatedly leafing back through them, berating myself for my weakness, foolishness, gullibility and general lack of appreciation for God’s love. I began to think I would never find peace in my soul due to my past. Perhaps, I thought, this was part of the punishment for my sins-to scald my soul in a bath of remorse at frequent intervals.

I began dating a very intelligent, kind Catholic teacher named Eric about three years after I returned to practicing the faith. Inevitably, after a few weeks, the time for my, ‘this is my past’ monologue arrived. Eyes cast down, face burning, I once again reopened the wound in my soul that my actions had created. When I finished speaking I reluctantly raised my eyes to meet his, completely expecting derision and shock. Instead, kindness and compassion were reflected in the depths of his eyes and he uttered these words.

‘My opinion of you is not based on who you were in the past, but who you are now.’

This may not seem significant to others, but for me, it was as though I had been handed a key to my self-imposed prison of shame. Never had I heard or even thought that I, God, or anyone else could see past the mess I had formerly created in my soul and life. Those words changed all of that. Over the following days and weeks I turned his words over and over again in my heart. I allowed them to open my eyes to the realization that when I had received forgiveness for my sins in confession I was also given the gift of forgiving myself. However, I had hidden this gift away and forgot about it for years, not retrieving and opening it until I heard the words Eric spoke. Eric and I ended up taking different directions in life but he remained my friend and my debt to him can never be paid. He allowed me to see that although I had scuffed, damaged and tarnished my soul for years, I had also spent years repairing that damage, polishing and shining it with the sacraments, prayer, Eucharistic adoration and a life of morality.

I know that there are some out there who have not experienced falling so far from God’s grace and I truly hope you thank Him for the strength and grace He gave you to preserve your souls. I direct this piece at those who have fallen repeatedly, those who have, as I did, fallen into sin, struggled to get up and to confession, only to fall again. I also address this to those who have done something in their past they deeply regret and yet, despite going to confession, they continue to harbor pain and self-loathing over this past indiscretion. I say this to you: It is not who you were, or what you have done in the past I see, but the person you are now, the one who struggles to live a life that brings them closer to God, the valiant soul that attempts to die to self on a daily basis, or the parent who begs the Lord for the strength to model the virtues of a good Catholic parent and give those children the tools to save their souls. THAT is who you are, take your gift of self-forgiveness out, dust it off and open it up. It will enable your soul to soar and bring you that much closer to God.