Categories
Domestic Church Ink Slingers Reading Sarah Reinhard

My Changed Reading Time

MyChangedReadingTime
It’s hard not to marvel at my changed reading time.
 
But wait, first, let me start at the beginning: I read.
 
I’ve accepted this about myself.
 
Surely, I have other hobbies. (Or maybe I just have a family. Does that count?)
 
But really, I read. It’s how I define myself, and it’s truly my favorite of the things I could list. It’s a hobby that has opened vistas for me, and you’ll find proof of it all over my house.
 
In the front room, subdivided into an office, there are overflowing bookshelves. In the office section, there’s another bookshelf, and baskets of books on my table/desk, and piles of books on my other shelf. In the kitchen, there’s a basket of current reads under the cupboards, by the breakfast bar. There are odd books left out (I blame the kids) and baskets of books and toys jumbled together (again, the kids). All of the kids have books in their rooms, in various states of organization (or disarray, as the case may be). And my room has a few books by the bed. And we mustn’t forget the bathrooms, though we don’t view them as much a library as some do. 
 
My purse is host to a whole library, thanks to the technology made available from my phone and my Kindle. That’s saved me from needing a backpack-sized purse for the “blankie book” I need to make sure I have with me at all times. (The book itself changes. The fact that I need one does not.)
 
These things are set. They’ve changed a bit over the years, but not by much.
 
What’s changed in my reading life is my reading time itself. It used to be wedged between nearly everything, and available in long stretches quite often. It used to be largely uninterrupted, unless I wanted it to be interrupted. It used to be about me and what I liked.
 
Now, I find that my reading time is part of a bigger picture. It involves other people in a way it never did before. Sometimes, those other people live in my house and they want me to be part of their reading time. They turn my reading time into a shared experience.
 
Other times, the other people are authors whose work I’m reviewing. They may be friends who have trusted me to read a book they’ve written. They may be strangers who reached out to me. They may be just the name on the cover, sent to me by a publisher or agent.
 
And then there are my reading friends, people who have become part of my reading time by their suggestions and their influence on how (and what) I read.
 
My reading time used to be mostly novels. Then, in grad school, it became mostly multiple assigned textbooks and business books at a time. I moved into reading to learn about things: my faith, some skill, random nonfiction. And then, with children came parenting books and children’s books, intentional middle grade and YA reads and revisiting old favorites.
 
Most recently, my reading time has turned into part of my job. (And, honestly, I never thought that could even be a reality in my life, so we’ll just have a shared jump-up-and-down moment together, shall we?) 
 
There are books I’ve read that I never would have picked up without the circumstances in my life. There are books I never would have enjoyed if I hadn’t grabbed them in desperation to escape the chaos of my home. (It’s a good chaos, mind you. But sometimes, I just want to read.)
 
My reading time has also changed because, well, I have changed. I’m older now, for one thing. I’ve read a lot more, and I’m more likely to just stop reading a book, no matter how good That Person said it would be or how much Certain Human said I should read it. 
 
I’ve been Catholic now for nearly two decades. I’ve been married for 15 and a mother for 14 of those. I’ve learned things beyond my various degrees and my different professional experiences. Life has interrupted my plans and taken me far beyond where I would have gone on my own.
 
And that, my friends, has only made my reading time better. ?
Categories
Ink Slingers Maurisa Spiritual Growth

Fifty and Fabulous

“My name’s Sally O’Malley and I’m proud to say I’m 50 years old. I’m not one of those gals whose afraid to tell her real age. And I like to kick, stretch, and kick! I’m fifty. Fifty years old.” -Molly Shannon from Saturday Night Live

A year ago, as I turned forty-nine, the panic set in. How did fifty years fly by so soon? I was dealing with rolling hot flashes (among other pre-menopausal symptoms), degenerative disks in my spine, aching knees, and painful bone spurs in my feet. The vanity in me started to notice every gray hair, the appearance of crepey skin on my neck, and every crows foot and laugh line on my face. Fifty and beyond was not looking like a whole lot of fun and I started to really feel depressed about it. My sister-in-law is a year older than me and as I wished her a happy 50th she confessed, “Maurisa, I pretty much cried all day.” Ugh. Are the best years of my life already behind me? What do I have to look forward to other than a continual downward slide and a rebelling body? And to be frankly honest with you, I was truly afraid of getting old and of death itself.

While I knew I couldn’t do anything about getting older, I knew I could mitigate some of the more negative aspects. The depressing conversation with my dear sister-in-law became my motivator. I did not want to spend my fiftieth birthday in tears. Under the guidance of a Nutritional Therapist I changed my eating habits—cutting out processed sugars and grains; boosting my protein, fats, and veggies; and introducing some supplements. This was all focused upon alleviating the hot flashes, irritability, lethargy, and joint pain, but a wonderful side benefit was that I dropped 25 pounds, something that becomes increasingly difficult as we age. As energy levels began increasing I started exercising more and by my birthday I was in the best shape I’d been in since we began our family.

As for the gray hair, crepey neck skin, and crows feet; I came to accept and look upon them as hallmarks of a life well lived. I found myself looking about and seeing the beauty in those already far into their golden years. At every stage of life we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We should give God thanks for each day he has graced us with and not be afraid. As my 23 year old son observed,”Mom, you shouldn’t feel bad about getting older. You’re at that age when people actually respect you.” It was probably the nicest and most comforting thing he’s ever said to me. 

It wasn’t just my body which needed attention. I knew the fear and depression about getting older had a spiritual aspect to it as well. I handed my worries over to God and started using Lectio Divina to enrich my prayer life. Looking back over this past year I recognized the amazing graces I’d been given and for the first time in a long while I saw substantial spiritual growth. So much so, that when the actual day arrived it ended up being one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had. In His Providence, my birthday fell on a Sunday—and not just any Sunday, but the Solemnity of the Nativity of John the Baptist. It felt like a birthday gift from heaven! I enjoyed Mass, a lovely late lunch with my husband and two youngest boys. We then took a nice long nap. It was lovely. No panic. No tears. Just peace, happiness, and gratitude for the wonderful life I’ve been given so far and joyful anticipation for the years to come.

“The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon, planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in Him.”-Psalm 92: 12-15

This coming year holds so much promise. Our oldest will be getting married and our youngest will receive his First Holy Communion. How awesome is that? Fifty years may have flown by, but I have so much more to look forward to in the future. Every season of life can seem daunting and may fill us with trepidation. That is why these words from Saint John Paul II really resonate with me:

“Have no fear moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing I am with you, therefore, no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.”

My name’s Maurisa Mayerle and I’m proud to say I’m 50 years old.

Categories
Christine End of life Faith Formation Ink Slingers Offering your suffering Prayer Respect Life

Note to Self: Age with Joy

If I’m going to run the race, I want to finish well.  As soon as the end is in sight, I want to push myself even harder and faster until my feet cross the finish line. Truth be told, I’m no runner. I’m more of a walking, hiking, stroller-pushing, anything but running type.  However, I think “running the race” is such a perfect analogy for our lives here on Earth… to not give in to distractions that will make us lose focus, to give it everything we’ve got, to finish well. The prize that I aim to win is no blue ribbon. It is heaven.

Can I be “for real” with you? All of us are going to die some day. Most of us will grow old. Growing old means our bodies may become less mobile and less obedient to our will. You may find yourself struggling to thrust your body out of bed in the morning or you might have a hard time folding your joints in half when getting in and out of a vehicle.  Games like Twister and Limbo could be deadly and you may actually find yourself purchasing LifeCall, the product notorious for the catchphrase “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

As we age, we will likely experience more aches and pains, and perhaps even intense physical suffering.  These are not necessarily easy things to embrace. I’m in my late twenties now, so I’m not exactly elderly yet. “Spring chicken” you say? Well, not quite. Sometimes my body doesn’t do what I tell it to do, sometimes I have unexpected aches and pains, and I even found out at my last visit to the eye doctor that I have the beginning signs of macular degeneration (which apparently is something that only people over the age of 50 are supposed to have to worry about- yowza!) Thankfully, as Catholics, we recognize the beauty of suffering and its redemptive quality. Physical pain can be both beneficial for our own souls as well as the souls of others. How beautiful! How beautiful that Christ could turn the torture device of the cross into a means of saving our souls and opening the gates of heaven to us!

There are few things in this world which make my heart ache more than the sight of an elderly person overcome by loneliness and fear, sorrowfully waiting until death arrives.  Likewise, there are few things which propel my soul heavenward more than the sight of an elderly person living life to the full despite, or perhaps because of, their suffering. Can you think of an elderly person in your life who lifts up your spirits? Someone who lives with great joy despite rejection, illness, and other hardships? I don’t know about you, but these are the people, who I think are running “so as to win”. They are living with joy until the very end.  They are giving it all they’ve got until their tired, old feet pound across the finish line. That’s who I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a wrinkly-falling-apart-happy-old-lady, filled with the joy of the Lord and the knowledge that I gave this race all I had.

I’d like to give you two concrete examples of what I’m talking about… one from the public realm and one from my family:

 1) Blessed Pope John Paul II

This holy man showed us by example how to age with peace and joy.  Though he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, he continued to love and serve Christ and the Church to the full. If I may borrow Pope Benedict XVI’s words from his homily at the ceremony in which Pope John Paul II was beatified, “Then too, there was his witness in suffering: the Lord gradually stripped him of everything, yet he remained ever a “rock”, as Christ desired. His profound humility, grounded in close union with Christ, enabled him to continue to lead the Church and to give to the world a message which became all the more eloquent as his physical strength declined. In this way he lived out in an extraordinary way the vocation of every priest and bishop to become completely one with Jesus, whom he daily receives and offers in the Eucharist”.

For a brief overview of the life of John Paul II and how he embraced the will of God with joy and enthusiasm, I highly recommend the movie Pope John Paul II with Jon Voight and Cary Elwes.

Image taken from: http://persecution.in/content/gcic-celebrates-blessed-john-paul-ii-champion-religious-freedom

2)      My grandfather

My Papa cares for his Alzheimer’s stricken wife, my grandmother, with immense joy and love. Alzheimer’s, as many of you may already know, is a progressive degenerative disorder of the brain.  My grandmother is in the final stages of this disease. Comparable to the care required by an infant, she is totally dependent on the care which my grandfather provides. Day in and day out for over fifteen years he has tended to her at home, even finding joy in brushing her hair and occasionally putting a bit of lipstick on her lips.  I have never heard him complain. On the contrary, he often smiles and jokes about how much fun they’re having together.

Less than two weeks ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with prostate cancer. It is still uncertain if it has spread outside of the prostate and what his exact treatment will be. Do you want to venture a guess what his most heartfelt wish is? He doesn’t want to die before my grandmother because he simply wants to be able to care for my grandmother until the end of her life. I wish I could express to you in words the character of this man- both the tremendous strength and the deep tenderness with which he loves.  He has given me a great example to live by in so many ways- faithful, lifelong marriage; embracing life; and aging with grace and joy. Please pray with me that if it is God’s will, he will be able to care for my grandmother until her very last breath.

When I am a shriveled up old lady swaying in my rocking chair reflecting on days past, I hope that I can honestly say that I embraced life, with all of its crosses and victories.  Rather than be self-absorbed in pain and suffering, I want to continue to love and serve the Lord and those around me with all of my heart.  Should I need a reminder of these goals forty years down the road in the midst of my pain, let me write myself a friendly little reminder- “Note to self: Age with joy!”

“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life…” Henry David Thoreau

Feel free to comment/answer below: Can you think of an elderly person in your life who lifts up your spirits? Someone who lives with great joy despite rejection, illness, and other hardships?