I am mad at God.
Am I even allowed to be mad at God? Doesn’t that seem quite heretical? I love Him, with every fiber of my being, but I am so frustrated with things in this world and saddened by numerous situations. It is hard to know what emotion I am trying to deal with, but right now, I think it is anger.
Jeremiah was mad at God and apparently it was important enough to include in Scripture.
“You duped me, O LORD, and I let myself be duped;
you were too strong for me, and you triumphed.
All the day I am an object of laughter;
everyone mocks me.
Whenever I speak, I must cry out,
violence and outrage is my message;
the word of the LORD has brought me
derision and reproach all the day.
I say to myself, I will not mention him,
I will speak in his name no more.
But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart,
imprisoned in my bones;
I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it” (Jeremiah 20:7-9).
I know it is unfair to put it all on God, especially because of all He has done for us, but when He has the power to soften hearts and fix it all, He doesn’t, and I become downtrodden and disheartened. For several years, I watched my grandmother suffer greatly physically, then my mother suffer, in most ways, selflessly caring for her, and now my mother suffers emotionally because of the greed and pride of her siblings. It is not fair, God! I don’t get it.
I am angry because a place I love is marred by a leader who is unfair and petty and proud. Nothing can be done about it. God has the power to change these people and conditions, but He doesn’t. We pray and pray and nothing gets better.
Why couldn’t I have my last baby and hold him and raise him and love him?
And where are my glasses?!
My immaturity takes hold of me and I succumb to shallowness and impatience. My pride overcomes me and I want to hold someone accountable for this darkness in the world. I find myself holding God accountable.
I take a step back and remember:
HE LOVES US.
WE HAVE FREE WILL.
NOT IN OUR TIME, BUT IN GOD’S TIME.
I feel humbled.
How else do I describe my feeling of selfishness and irreverence, but by feeling humbled? Turning to Scripture yet again, yields results:
“Refrain from anger; abandon wrath; do not be provoked; it brings only harm.
Those who do evil will be cut off, but those who wait for the LORD will inherit the earth” (Psalms 37:8-9).
“The ill-tempered stir up strife, but the patient settle disputes” (Proverbs 15:18 ).
“The ill-tempered stir up strife,and the hotheaded cause many sins” (Proverbs 29:22).
“In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ [Jesus] have crucified their flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-25).
My small mind cannot comprehend God’s greater plan most of the time. I suppose this is where Faith comes in.
“He said to them, ‘Because of your little faith. Amen, I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you’” (Matthew 17:20).
This is not a question of bad things happening in our midst, or of the difficulties of the world; it is all about our Faith, MY Faith, that I seem to be so lacking. Jeremiah could not stay mad, because he was longing for God so greatly. He had to seek Him and find Him. I have to continue to seek Him and find Him as well.
I still can’t find my glasses.
What ways do you find you are able to cope with the disparaging events of the world?
Charla is a life-long Catholic, married since 1995. She has three children who attend Catholic school and university. Charla has been teaching high school English literature at the same Catholic high school she attended for over 15 years. She has Bachelor of Arts degrees in English, Latin American Studies, and Secondary Education, as well as a Masters degree in Education. Charla has served as a lector and Eucharistic minister at her parish and school. She enjoys reading, cooking, running, and all activities involving her children. Her special devotions are to the Blessed Mother, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Catherine of Alexandria, and the Holy Rosary.