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How Marriage Will Get Us To Heaven – or, Why I Change the Toilet Paper Roll

::Pulled from the Catholic Sistas archives, this post originally featured on August 22, 2011::

“What was the best day of your life?”

It’s a common question that has become a bit of a cliche, used as an “icebreaker” for the first day of class or for “get-to-know-your-coworkers” meetings, and a question for which, for many years, I never had a satisfactory answer. Sure, there was that fun vacation, or the day I graduated from high school, but none of them seemed important enough to qualify for “BEST DAY EVER!” status.

But three years ago, I figured out the answer to that question. And like many women, my “best day ever” involves flowers, a white dress, a new ring, beautiful music, and a handsome guy standing at the foot of the altar watching me as I walked down the aisle. For many couples, their wedding day is a representation of their love and dedication to each other, a day in which they pledge to remain together for the rest of their days, no matter what troubles come their way. But for a Catholic couple, it is all these things and SO MUCH MORE.

Christ raised marriage from a natural bond to a supernatural bond, a sacrament. We know that a sacrament is “an outward sign instituted by Christ to give us grace.” So not only do we get all the natural benefits of marriage on our wedding day, but, through the sacrament, we also get the supernatural benefit of sanctifying grace: that beautiful gift from God which purifies our souls and makes them holy; sanctifying grace is what helps us obtain eternal life in heaven. And while my wedding day from a strictly natural perspective was the “best day ever” – I now get to spend the rest of my life with the person I love the most, and to have cute children with him – it was likely also supernaturally my “best day ever.” The Sacrament my husband and I received that day opened up the floodgates of God’s grace for us as a couple, and gave us a specific path to lead us to heaven, as long as we cooperate with those graces.

In marriage, while our first physical gift to each other is the gift of our bodies, our first spiritual gift to each other is the gift of sanctifying grace. Physically, we become sharers in God’s creative power through the marital act, in which a new soul has the potential to be created. Spiritually, we become sharers in God’s sanctifying power through our ability to give supernatural life to our spouse through sanctifying grace. This supernatural life – sanctifying grace – is our share in God’s life. Therefore, in every sacramental marriage, the husband can say that his wife is a means by which he returns to God. The wife can say that her husband is a means by which she returns to God.

When we stop to dwell on this for a moment, we realize how absolutely incredible and unique the marriage bond is. Not only in the physical sense, in that we can become co-creators with God in bringing new life into the world, but also in the spiritual sense, in that our actions have a direct correlation with our spouse’s eternal salvation. How awe-inspiring, and what a precious gift those of us with a vocation to marriage have been given! We aren’t in this alone; we can rely upon each other to achieve sanctity. This is the only relationship in which our actions are directly responsible for the other person to receive grace! God truly wishes us to be sanctified through our marriages.

So how can we best make use of this awesome benefit of the Sacrament of Matrimony? How can we direct the channel of grace towards our spouse? We have the grace available to us; we simply need to ask for it, not only through prayer, but also through our works. When we do something kind for our husband, he receives grace for it along with us. Each time our husband does something kind for us, we, along with him, are also receiving grace from that kind act.

So do something kind. Prepare your husband’s favorite dinner. Iron his pants for him. Get up a few minutes before him and make his coffee. Do a small chore that he especially dislikes. If he has a preference that something be done a certain way, do it out of love for him. In our house, that particular thing is the perpetually empty toilet paper roll (the TP is usually 6 inches away on the counter). It’s a very minute detail, but something that bothers my husband. So I try to make the effort to change the roll when it’s empty, even though it’s something that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. For others, it might be making the bed or having clean t-shirts in the drawer without having to dig through the dryer. Whatever it is, perform that selfless act out of love for your husband, for that selfless act will not only bring peace and joy to your marriage, but also be spiritually rewarding for both of you, as you “store up treasures for yourselves in heaven.” (Matt. 6:20) Little acts of grace, all the time – and marriage is full of these opportunities!

In a culture that is so immersed in self-gratification and self-sufficiency, even a small sacrifice for our spouse flies in the face of modern advice on marriage. We are told to make ourselves happy first, then to worry about others. But for us to reap the true spiritual benefits of marriage, we must be willing to sacrifice, and to sacrifice GENEROUSLY. A sacrifice done begrudgingly will have little merit; a sacrifice done willingly and generously will reap great rewards, for “God loveth a cheerful giver.” (2 Cor. 9:7) We can and must be sanctified through our marriage. None of our earthly pursuits matter if we fail in our heavenly goal.

In the words of the Hungarian Bishop Tihamer Toth, in his early 20th century work entitled “The Christian Family”:

“It is a great joy if a wife can say to her husband: ‘I can thank you that I have such strong support in life, that I have such good children.’
It is a great joy if a husband can say to his wife: ‘I can thank you that I have such an understanding life companion, such a peaceful home.’
But the greatest joy of all will be if someday they can say to each other: ‘I can thank you that I have attained eternal life.’”

Let us be inspired to work towards that “greatest joy”!

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About Colleen

Colleen is wife to her wonderful husband and mama to three boys and three girls. She spends her days reading stories, practicing skip counting, and sweeping Cheerios with a baby in her arms. She enjoys sharing her Catholic Faith with others, and trying her best to live out her vocation generously, graciously, fully. She loves the Traditional Mass. She also appreciates anything crafty or chocolatey, and is blessed to reside in the great state of Kansas, which actually is not all black-and-white – she has the red shoes to prove it.

  • Shiela - Beautiful, Colleen. And a good reminder, too. I remember early on in my marriage, when I would get very upset with this man that I married, I would get so angry that I would fold all of his laundry and make sure that his drawers were fully stocked with fresh t-shirts and underwear. By the time I had finished my bazaar little tantrum, I suddenly wasn’t so angry anymore. Now, the trick I had to work on was doing all that willingly and cheerfully. We are rounding up on 14 years now, and I am almost there…but not quite!August 22, 2011 – 8:14 amReplyCancel

  • Shiela - That would be bizarre tantrum, lol. Bizarre bazarre.August 22, 2011 – 8:17 amReplyCancel

  • Martina - haha! I was wondering if you sold some goodies during that bazaar. 😉 Way to keep things interesting, Shiela. 😀August 22, 2011 – 8:47 amReplyCancel

  • Karen - awesome! great article Colleen. Marriage is SO important, and you’re right, the graces are SO significant! I so love that quote from that bishop. I think I will be reposting that elsewhere. It’s just too good to not share 🙂August 22, 2011 – 12:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Erin Turntine - Wonderful post, Colleen! Look forward to reading more. 🙂 And congratulations on your pregnancy!!August 22, 2011 – 1:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Stacey Sherman Johnson - Wonderful, Colleen! 🙂August 23, 2011 – 9:41 pmReplyCancel

  • biologybrain - Awesome article, Colleen!August 24, 2011 – 10:46 amReplyCancel

  • Christ Does Not Call Us To Be June Cleaver « Catholic Sistas - […] the bathroom? Take 2 minutes to clear off the counter, pick the dirty clothes off the floor, and change the toilet paper. If we do each of these small things out of love for God, He will give us grace with each small […] September 6, 2011 – 8:02 amReplyCancel

  • Sherry - Colleen, I couldn’t agree more. I used to do laundry a certain way because to me it was just making dirty clothes clean. I found out that my husband was re-washing his things. Now, I do it his way and with prayer. For love of God and love of my DH. Neither way is better, but I am a better person and our marriage is better. Not just because of the laundry, but because it helped me to change for love.July 31, 2013 – 9:28 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah Scherrer - Thanks for this great reminder!July 31, 2013 – 5:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Wilma - As a widow who experienced 30 years of marriage, I would love the opportunity once again to do something the way my lovely husband liked it done. May God bless you as you practise practical holiness and grow in grace.August 1, 2013 – 2:07 amReplyCancel

  • Nery - This was just PERFECT!! We are doing a small marriage group and it was my turn to lead and I was captivated by the newly discovered idea that we as husband and wife are supposed to help eachother get into Heaven (as a Catholic I should’ve known this) but since I’ve heard it, I have not stopped thinking about it. So much so that this Sunday that will be my topic and I will read this to our group! THAnk you so much!August 23, 2013 – 8:55 amReplyCancel

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