Catholic Sistas » perspective from the neck

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You just. don’t. know.

Have you ever had this happen to you? You sit down in the pew before Mass starts, you pull down the kneeler and begin to say your prayers. When you’re done, you sit back and calmly look at the beauty of the altar and what’s about to transpire in a matter of minutes. Then, you hear people whispering behind you. The whispering turns to low chatter. After several attempts of ignoring, it’s enough to aggravate you and tear you away from mentally and spiritually preparing for the Sacred Mysteries. Your eyes and ears are now fixated on other things going on in church…and not in a good way. Your eyes are drawn to a family that looks like they just walked off the boardwalk. You look away, saying nothing. But the damage is done. The thought that crossed your mind did enough damage by rendering rash judgment of a situation or person.

 The eighth commandment is one that seems fairly simple to follow…but is it? On the surface it reads very straight forward –

 thou shalt not lie

{read with ominous voice}

What does that encompass, exactly? According to the Baltimore Catechism, it outlines the eighth commandment as one that commands truth and forbids lying. {Incidentally, I find the irony too delicious to keep to myself. While writing this, I had my oldest bring me the catechism. She quickly located the 8th commandment and then handed it to me, using an examination of conscience brochure as her “bookmarker” – is she trying to tell me something??} I have to say I really like the Baltimore Catechism because it doesn’t mince words and uses fancy words to describe sins, making it easy for me to not only identify what my faults are but say exactly what they are to the priest…I can also give the illusion of being smart, too, while repenting. It’s win-win! There are several sins that fall under the category of lying – rash judgment, detraction, calumny, and telling secrets we are bound to keep. We will spend future articles addressing the other sins so I will focus on rash judgment for today’s entry.

I want to start with rash judgment because thoughts typically infiltrate our minds first. We don’t often say something without first thinking it. A person commits the sin of rash judgment when, without sufficient reason, he believes something harmful to another’s character.

The problem with rash judgment is it appears innocent enough…oh, it was just a thought {if you’re lucky enough that it didn’t escape your mouth!}. It can be easy to justify or brush off as “it wasn’t that bad” but the effects are very real. I heard it best said once, “the best way to kill your conscience is to ignore it.”

If you find yourself criticizing someone who is wearing a veil to Mass because she must be “holier than thou” or thinking to yourself that the family next to you with only one or two children must contracept, keep in mind those thoughts are where it starts.

It’s a mentality that plagues all of us at one point or another, myself included.

 

Myself especially.

 

It is something that really drives me in my faith because I detest what it does to myself, I detest what it does to my friends, I detest what it does to strangers when I see it happen. It makes me cringe to think this is something we do by default, when we lack true charity in our hearts.

So, how can we combat this all-too-easy-to-fall-into-the-trap sin? Well, I’m a huge advocate for piquing awareness, or the constant realization of our wrong doings. Let’s call it an ongoing daily examination of conscience. We can first start by recognizing on our own when we first formulate those thoughts. One way I personally combat this is to actively come up with a list of plausible antidotes to my flawed thinking. So, when an ugly thought crosses my mind, I automatically force myself into a “what if” scenario and then make myself reflect on the damage my initial thought causes others…and especially myself if I dwell on it too long.

Let’s go back to the family with two children I described above. The first thought that could pop into my head about making assumptions about family size, or worse, accusing them {if only through my thoughts} of not being open to life…my immediate thought process in order to combat this could be the following:

  1. Would God be pleased with this thinking of mine in judgment of others?”
  2. Place myself in their situation. This family may have struggled with primary or secondary infertility. They may have a unique medical situation that precludes them from having the large family they thought they would have. There could be a myriad of reasons that aren’t known to me…nor should it be.
  3. And lastly, considering I am sitting in Mass while having this thought, shouldn’t my attention be on Christ anyway? This distraction, and certainly the negativity of it does not come from God.

We are called to lift each other up, not tear each other down.

Our homework from now until the next time we meet to continue discussing the 8th commandment* and all the fun new words for sins is to pique that awareness when we are headed down the road of rash judgment. Do your best to pinpoint those flaws because your best weapon against overcoming rash judgment is to know when it happens.

*I had been wanting to write something about rash judgment for such a long time that when I finally did, the obvious next thought came to mind – too late. It would be PERFECT to start a Ten Commandments series! Of course, this would ideally start with the 1st commandment, not the 8th. So for that, I apologize that it will appear choppy as we start going through each of the commandments. Mea culpa.

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About Martina Kreitzer

Martina is a cradle Catholic, wife to Neil, and mother to seven kiddos here {and three in heaven}– 4/96-1/17. She decided to homeschool the kiddos in 2010 after many years in public schools and is currently transitioning out of homeschooling. She is the creator of Catholic Sistas which focuses on a feminine perspective of the Catholic Faith. The website was the result of an existing camaraderie by the contributors in a Catholic women’s group she created. She is also a Seal of Approval evaluator for the Catholic Writers Guild. Lest you think she spends all her time online, Martina has enjoyed getting out into the community by serving on the Pastoral Council from 2010-2013. She is constantly on the lookout to make her parish as welcoming as the small town she grew up in East Texas. This task is not easy given that St. William is the largest parish in the Austin diocese, serving well over twenty thousand parishioners. She loves Jesus, coffee, bacon, chocolate, photography, more bacon, evangelizing, and the company of those unafraid to use their sense of humor.

  • Marie - This is something that I really struggle with! Just last night at Mass the couple behind me was speaking – and not just in hushed whispers but REALLY LOUDLY – while I was trying to collect my thoughts and pray after an upsetting end to the work day. All I could hear was THEM and not my thoughts. They also were incredibly loud singers and I found myself getting thrown off. Fortunately I was able to pull inside myself and sing anyway.

    And to the other point, I find that I catch myself looking at people and passing judgment about them. I try to always live by the “why point out the splinter in another’s eye and ignore the log in your own” rule – but it really is a struggle.

    thank you for this post Martina! Thank you for the opportunity to try to focus on living more like Christ. (And I love the cartoon by the way!)November 2, 2011 – 8:14 amReplyCancel

  • Megan - So true. I struggle with this a lot. I would never say anything, but the thoughts come up almost without me even realizing it. I try to focus and reflect on the images of Jesus and Mother Mary at the front of the Church so I that I can more easily avoid my mind from going astray. It is an on-going process.
    Thanks so much for this entry, I thought I was the only one!November 2, 2011 – 10:40 amReplyCancel

  • Joan - Guilty, I try to redirect my thinking as I sit in ‘rash’ judgement, two thing I use: (1) “Walk a mile in my(their) shoes’ – I remind myself that I do not walk in their shoes, so I should not be judging until I walk the walk that they are walking and (2) Matthew 7:2 – ‘Your verdict on others will be the verdict passed on you. The measure with which you measure will be used to measure you.’ – reminding myself of this verse usually stops me in my tracks. Thanks, Martina for the reminderNovember 2, 2011 – 10:59 amReplyCancel

  • Misty - Martina, were you using my latest FB fiasco as a basis for this?? 😉 Needless to say, this one convicted me in a BIG way. I could personally write volumes about the sin of detraction. Maybe when the wounds have scabbed over, I’ll do just that and share with others how even truths we think we’re passing on anonymously wound our souls, because they are rooted in a lack of love for our neighbor.

    The other thing that came to mind while reading this is that Jesus understands we struggle with it…probably because He himself seems to have been intensely frustrated with humanity during his time here with us on earth. How many times does he exclaim, “Oh, Ye of little faith!” or admonish us for being so obtuse? I always feel wretched when these uncharitable thoughts cross my mind…it’s sort of a reminder of just how prideful I still am, despite applauding myself on how humble I am, LOL. But then I remember Jesus speaking to Sister Faustina about her ill feelings toward others. He said something about “Pray for them out of love” and she said, “Oh, Lord, you know my feelings well enough to know I can’t stand to be around them.” He said: “Don’t rely on feelings. Feelings can be deceptive. Rely on the will.” It helps me to know that even when I feel irritation or pride or any of the rest of the “humanity really gets on my nerves” feelings, I can still turn and actively pray for that person and then myself–and it will still be meritorious. Praise God that he separates that knee-jerk, sinful part of us from our wills! =)November 2, 2011 – 11:49 amReplyCancel

  • Margaret - How funny. I was so happy I went to mass yesterday for the Holy Day of Obligation. I was so pleased to see so many people in church. I was not pleased however when after the Gospel all the late people came in & some even had the *nerve* to walk down the aisle to sit as close to the alter as possible.
    Wait, we were here 1st and on time I may add.
    Once again, I had to make up stories in my mind why people were late for mass. It is indeed a distraction. I don’t like getting upset during mass. UGH! AI have lots of work to do on myself.
    Thanks Martina for a wonderful article.November 2, 2011 – 12:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Shiela Glynn Fallon (@ShellMacaroni) - I am so busy being the object of rash judgements at mass that I don’t have time to make them up in my head. Yesterday, I wore my shirt inside out, not on purpose, and took the toddlers to Mass at their siblings school. My two toddlers decided that Mass in the gym meant run and yell as often and as fast as you can. And, I was so hot in my wool sweater, but I realized that my shirt was inside out so I kept it on.November 2, 2011 – 12:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Allen Hebert - Just yesterday I was at daily mass at the military hospital I am working at this week and as the readings were being proclaimed I chose to use my iPhone to follow along as I do quite often at daily mass. The guy next to me whispered at the beginning of the Gospel, “Do you have to do that?” I was sitting next to a window unit A/C and hearing the reader was a little difficult, but I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking and thus continued to follow the readings on my phone. At the end of mass he apologized to me and said he thought I was texting during mass.November 2, 2011 – 3:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Manda - Oh goodness this was a much-needed reminder today, I’ve been struggling with this lately so I’m glad I happened over here tonight! I love how full the Baltimore Catechism’s definition of the 8th commandment is, I had no idea so much was included under the heading of thou shalt not lie.November 2, 2011 – 7:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Arafea - This is an insightful post, and something that’s been a big problem for me lately. The trick of giving the benefit of the doubt is a great tip, because after doing it several times it becomes a wonderful habit.

    Thank you; I’m looking forward to the rest of this series!

    God Bless!November 3, 2011 – 4:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Kathy - a wonderful article that addresses this subject well: http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/06/gentleness-in-the-real-world-1.htmlNovember 5, 2011 – 1:51 amReplyCancel

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